Right Of The Star

Monday, March 28, 2005

How You Know Mother Nature is a woman - A Bitchy Woman!

I love mayonnaise! Someone actually invented a food that tastes like sex! Not specifically the taste (although that protein taste of.....um, nevermind) but the comforting and smooth taste, more of a feeling, like the comforting satisfied feeling right after sex.

We all know the tongue tastes sweet, sour, bitter, and salt - but the tongue actually tastes that creamy texture like in Mayo. Which is one of the problems with making fat free items - that texture is hard to replicate without fat!

So mayo is great but why is it so bad for you - nothing like mayo to clog a few capillaries and help lead to an full artery clogging heart attack!

So I am at one of my specialists and I wonder aloud to him why a person gets cravings for the things that are bad for them. (Want to know more about my disability go here and contribute if you can. I will be updating that with more on my illness in the near future!)

Not just things like mayo and sugar, but things like cantaloupe, other melons, and bananas. Yes even bananas! These are bad for me! Did you know these have a protein in them that is very similar to the protein produced in ragweed pollen? Yep - if you have hayfever then these foods can affect you and might explain why some days you feel bad for no reason! Of course I have BAD hayfever but I LOVE fruit - all fruit, especially banana's and melons! (Check your mouth the next time you eat one of these foods - get that tingling coated feeling? Might want to check for hayfever!)

My Doctor turns to me and says, "Well, that is how you can tell Mother Nature is a woman! A man would never make something that tastes so good so bad for you!"

Yea, real scientific I know, but I was Shocked, not that he said that, but that his basic philsophy might be right on the mark - can you just imagine the first discovery of mayo:

Mother Nature: Chef, I want you to make a food that has a wholesome, creamy, full taste that man (generic man, not man man) will love. I thought it would go good with tuna, chicken, or even with potatoes!

Nature's Kitchen - Chef#1: Okay, how about something that reminds the senses of the comforting feeling you get right after sex!

MN: Great idea!

Chef: Okay, how something simple like a mix of broccoli, wheat germ, and tofu for texture?

MN: No, no, no. With a feeling like sex it will be something Men (men men, not the generic men) will want to eat this up and your choices would be too good for you. This is something people will really want to eat! How bout you try this whip these eggs with some oil and spices - a real artery clogging recipe!

Chef: Your the boss!

MN: By the way, do you have any Advil? We aren't even to my heavy flow day and these cramps are downright UNNATURAL!

So I realized my Doctor might just have been onto something. Think about it, if it had been Father nature mayo would have tasted the same but would have been so good for you that eating it would have guaranteed an extra 5 years of life! Mayo, pizza, and beer that is!

BTW - That someone actually did that fist mixing of mayo or that first recipe of something like an Angle Food Cake is really amazing when you think about it! Most of us don't know the basics of what makes up our food anymore. It isn't hard to believe that following the fall of Rome we lost the recipe of cement for centuries!

Oh, and just to be more offensive, I am now the number 1 ranked site for a google search of, "linger farts".

1 comment:

DANEgerus said...


Too much information dude!